Chapter One

Rubber meets Road.

In the midst of all the chaos and trauma of Scott’s addiction, yesterday happened to be one of the best days of my life.

My day started with a text from my baby girl, Erin. “Happy Birthday, Mom. I miss you.” Those words; simple and profound.

She.

misses.

me.

After packing up the car, I headed out to my birthday breakfast with a small circle of friends where I’d be announcing my spontaneous trip across the United States with the destination of Kentucky and Alabama.

During breakfast, I explained that I was searching for the ‘different’ in my life and that this roadtrip was something I need to do. I explained that I didn’t know what it was going to look like or where it was going to take me, but that I knew I needed to do it.

For a few weeks, I’d had the idea of wheels turning running through my head. It had become a familiar impression. The wheels appeared in my mind right before being introduced to the book of Ezekiel in the Bible. One day, sitting in the back of a car, head leaned back, I saw the rubber wheels on the car. I didn’t think much of it, but it wouldn’t go away. Randomly, they’d pop into my mind. The next day my ministry partner, Jade, unaware of the ‘wheels turning’ in my mind, shared Ezekiel’s Wheel with me, .

And now, just when I decided to go back to Monticello for the 30th high school reunion, the wheels began turning again. I had thought of flying out, but the wheels seemed to be telling me to drive.

Hence, my road trip across the United States.

After being launched onto my trip from my beautiful prayer warriors, I drove away, feeling a sense of freedom. 

The first stop was Kelsey and Paul’s new apartment. They gave me a beautiful birthday card. She finds the perfect cards that capture the truth in love. She honors our journey with her words. And now, Paul does the same

Paul wrote a mantra inside the card. 

“Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you! Shout loud, “I am lucky to be what I am! Thank Goodness I’m not just a clam or a ham or a dusty old jar of gooseberry jam! I am what I am! That’s a great thing to be!”

Once we said our goodbye’s and I was in the safety of my own car, I shouted loud as I started my journey, turning onto the freeway.

“I am lucky to be what I am! Thank Goodness I’m not just a clam or a ham or a dusty old jar of gooseberry jam! I am what I am! That’s a great thing to be!”

Zooming along, I immediately noticed that I was going toward the mountains and I thought of the spiritual battle and facing giants. As you approach them, they get bigger, both giants and mountains. The mountains surrounded me as I drove up i15N.

Eventually, the traffic came to a halt and I barely inched forward.  I was stopped in my tracks. Sort of like my life right now.

“Will you still go?’ He whispered. 

Me against the mountains. I considered my options.

Mt. Addiction was to the right of me. Mt. Unforgiveness to the left. Mt. Regret behind me and the one right in front of me is Mt. Uncertainty.

“Yes.” I couldn’t breathe. It was like the air it took to say the word stole life from my lungs. But, I knew the ‘yes’ was coming from my soul. Even though I didn’t understand what I was actually saying ‘yes’ to.

Sitting in traffic, staring at the mountain before me, I glanced down and saw the ‘Journey’ music CD that Rhonda had just given me at my birthday breakfast. I didn’t particularly care for the band.  

But God. He changed that.

Rhonda said that God had told her to give it to me and I trust their conversation, so I popped in the CD with no real expectation, secretly planning to utilize the fast forward button.

“No, listen to every word.” He whispered.

As the first song began, I saw the K-rail truck coming toward me, opening up a lane (like a boundary previously withheld) and I traveled onward.

He took something I didn’t care for and whispered some truths and hope sprang forth.

The titles of the songs speak for themselves.

1. Only the Young. (Even though yesterday was my 48th birthday)

2. Don’t stop Believin’. (Just a small-town girl…a city boy…living in a lonely world…shadows searchin’ in the night)

3. Wheel in the Sky. (Are they rubber?)

4. Faithfully. (Highway run … wheels go round and round in my mind)

5. I’ll be alright without you. (I will be ok no matter what)

6. Any way you want it. (Currently learning that I’m needful and have wants)

7. Ask the Lonely. (I am willing to allow my pain to have purpose, ask me later) 

8. Who’s cryin’ now. (ME. A lot … Love will survive somehow, someway)

9. Separate Ways. (World’s apart, hearts are broken in two AND chains broken)

10. Lights. (I’m on the road without you … with just enough Light from Him)

11. Lovin’. Touchin’. Squeezin’. (Touch is important)

12. Open Arms. (She went home and he wants her to stay)

13. Girl can’t help it. (She needs more.)

14. Send her my love. (Roses never fade and she needs more. Broken hearts mend.)

15. Be good to yourself. ( I am.)

16. When you love a woman. (Joy that lasts forever, waiting somewhere, it’s enough to make you cry … I did for almost 2 hours.)

When the music stopped and the CD ejected, an image to the left caught my eye. Off in the distance was a group of rocks sitting at the bottom of one of the mountains. It reminded me of Gilgal and the stones of remembrance. I pulled off to get gas and snap some pics.

When I was done with the pics and walking back to my car, I took a very deep breath, reviving the air in my lungs that had felt taken from me earlier.

Refreshed and ready, completely satisfied with my little Gilgal moment, I got back in my car and continued on over the mountain, crossing over the Cajon Pass and moving toward my first destination on Rt 66.

Bottle Tree Park, my first stop on this full circle journey.